Two hands are not enough....

It's been 8 months and 2 days since I held my baby for the first time. Every day has been a tidal wave of memories and there are bold promises of many many more. I cannot wait to see each day with my own eyes and live it with all my heart...yet I want time to slow down so I can have time to grasp every moment with both my hands and not lose a single split second! She grows by leaps and bounds each moment and her personality is larger than life. The miracle she is and the strong personality she is growing up to have makes us proud as we watch her move, smile, stand, crawl, grab, pout, frown, giggle, sleep, dream, cry, scream, yell and even scold us :).
Her first teeth are just showing up and she has started to figure out how to stand on her own without support. This little person, barely 2 ft tall, is working her way in this big world with billions of people and somehow she knows how to work the ropes already :)
I am sure the future holds a lot of ups and downs for her... I am sure there are times when she will feel the world is wheezing past her and then there will be times when she will feel her two little hands are not enough to gather and pick all the memories she is making. Two little hands... may it touch everyone's heart that she ever comes in contact with.

Newborn parents...

She arrived a few weeks early - but looked absolutely ready to face the world head on. Every move she made was so determined and not once did she seem to regret her decision! Be it the decision to refuse to nurse... or the decision to get her diaper changed. All important decisions in the life of a newborn baby - and she made perfect choices every time.

When I first saw her, for a few minutes I didn't know how to feel. She was the person I have been longing to meet... she was the one I felt connected with 24X7 for the last 38 weeks and now she was out in the world ready to meet me and everyone else. I still felt like it was a dream - that she was still inside me and I would wake up soon and find that we are still one. Soon I realized it wasn't the case... and that brought about a new feeling of detachment that I didn't expect. I felt I was prematurely separated from her and wasn't ready for it. I wanted to be with her all the time and yet share her with everyone else. It was a strange few days - but thankfully only lasted for a short period of time. Then I started truly enjoying her and all she did. It is fun spending all my time with her - she takes up so much of my time and attention that the days and weeks fly by and before I know it - she is almost 2 months old.

Our little daughter is going to be 2 months old soon and it all feels so brand new. We have been parents for 2 months... I have been a mother for 2 months... and our lives have been fuller and prettier for 2 whole months...

Here is to the first 2 months of your life my darling and the next 200 ... may all of them be filled with love and joy always...

Here she comes!

I have seen little humans before... some a day old.. some less than that.. but I have never met someone who is only a few seconds old yet. I cannot wait for that day to arrive when you will be with us. Our eagerness to meet you cannot be expressed in words. There is so much I want to do with you - so many memories we have to make together. I can feel you getting stronger and stronger everyday, with each push and nudge to tell me that you are a strong little girl, our strong little girl and will be a strong willed woman one day. Your Dada and I will be so proud of you... always.
I know our lives will change forever once you arrive - but it will be a change that we both welcome with open arms. We have been waiting for this change for years and went through a lot to see you and finally you will be here! It still feels like a dream, a fantastic and wonderful dream to think that you will be in our arms sooner than we ever thought.
Here's to you and us and a lifetime together of ups, downs and everything in between.

It seemed like forever and maybe a day... we waited, we hoped, we built faith, we lost faith, we were hopelessly hopeful - but somehow it never left us, the desire to be parents. Every new life around us would inspire us to be hopeful that our time would come. So what if its a few years later, so what if it may not be our own flesh and blood - it will be our's. After chalking our numerous plan B-s and plan C-s, it looks like plan A worked out.
One fine saturday afternoon in the fall of 2010 we found out that our little bundle of joy was soon to arrive. Our hearts filled with prayers - to thank whatever higher power there is.
It started out as being unbelievable... within a few days it started settling in that we are actually going to be parents. We were finally seeing our dream come true right before our eyes. Inspite of that - we were a little scared to start dreaming and planning yet. The first 3 months are important to wait out - so we decided to only tell a couple very close friends and our parents. Their happiness started spilling over into our's and slowly but surely we started feeling the immense excitement that we had been waiting to feel for so long.

Its been a little over a month that we found out and it still feels brand new to us. We saw the little one a couple times (thanks to ultrasounds) and it was a rush. It will be hard to be patient till our next ultrasound - but it will totally be worth the wait.

The toddler marriage...

My better half and I completed 4 years of togetherness today. It feels good to know that a lot of things have changed in these 4 years. There were highs and lows as always... but the only thing constant for both of us is - we are still newly weds at heart.

Recently I heard the song "Sajda" from MNIK. Since I am already a little mushy these days - this song increased my mush factor 10 or maybe 100 folds.

I have been writing this post for a couple days now. It started with me thinking I want to write something on our anniversary - now I find myself here (2 days later) thinking how we have perfect pictures painted in our minds and never know when to stop wanting everything to be perfect.

Let me explain - recently I spoke to a person - quiet close to me. She is single, her parents are looking... she is denying the need for companionship. I am listening and thinking - you will know when you are old and lonely one day - life will just fill your pockets with bitterness but you will not know how to make it better.

Her main fear is - what if I meet someone from either family connections (read recommendations) or online matrimonial websites and it fails. In this day and age we run the risk of having a failed relation with our parents - forget the person we met half way through our lives. She also fears adjustment - does anything come without adjustments these days? Even the rod for the shower curtain needs to be adjusted to fit the space! Why do we fear adjustments? I think adjusting is part of knowing someone - when you know how the other person reacts to you - you adjust - it is a showing of respect and understanding.

So many people in the course of their lives fail to see that. accommodating and adjusting aren't so bad - in fact they are the mortar that make us stick. Its what shows the other person - you care and they care back.

I am all for adjusting... if I live a life with no adjustment and no room for someone else... won't it just end up being all about me and others adjusting for me? Why expects others to do for me what I refuse to do for them?

Promises are made to be broken

Or are they...it is a verbal contract that we make whether to ourselves or to others. A contract is a contract. There were times when people would take someone's spoken words for face value and believe. In this day and age it is hard to believe and rely on what is said. Myself included - I think its OK to go back on spoken words - the excuse - things changed, plans changed, state of mind changed. So what? When I say I will do something or be somewhere - I don't know what makes it alright for me to just say - well let me take a raincheck.
So here's a verbally binding contract for myself - I will do my best to not commit to anything that I don't intend on doing. It might be as simple as "I'll call you"... or as important as "I will pick it up for you".
These are some foundations that we as human beings need to lay for generations after us. If we make it seem OK to go back on one's words - there is a high chance that they will disregard all of what is said to them and return the favor!
I know resolutions are blown off in a way because its alright to break them. Well, not this one - not this time. I will keep it. It isn't difficult if we make up our minds. It will lay a foundation for an honest future - however small the scale be.

Note to self: Live by what you say and stop to think for a second before you say it.

Everytime you go away...

You do take a piece of us with you. The last six months were the best I had in a while. I felt the love and comfort that people feel when they have parents around. There is a strange feeling of belonging. Our usually busy life takes a backseat while we just want to sit at the dining table and spent endless hours with them just talking or playing cards or even staring at the idiot box. It all boils down to doing everything together. Whatever it maybe. I actually let chores pile up because I never feel like getting up and doing anything.
In the course of their stay it is hard to imagine how our life was when they were not with us. The familiar "good morning" everyday - the familiar stories about the vegetable garden and the even more familiar smell of mom's cooking all around the house seems part of our lives - only till we don't have it anymore. That's when we want it so bad!
Through good and bad times they are always there with an ear and a shoulder. It is so easy for us to take those for granted. I admit that I did take them for granted on occasions.
I started these six months by looking at it as an opportunity to try to bond with the second set of wonderful parents that God has given me - knowing not everyone is blessed with parents like them.
I am very quick to judge what doesn't happen my way - but always fail to see what does. I never stopped to see how things would have been different if they were not as understanding and supportive as they are.
It isn't easy being with me - I can be difficult sometimes (about 90% of the time) - brought about by pressure at work or stress in my mind. Whatever it may be - they always tried to make it better and I sometimes didn't see that.

There was a lot I learned in the last six months and it has left me wanting more. I want to spend more and more time knowing them as parents, guides, friends and as an integral part of our lives...

It is easy to see what we took for granted when we are not granted the pleasure anymore...